Feb 2009 Road Trip: Portland to Mississippi

So, by comparison…the trip to mississippi, once we got on the road, was a piece of cake!! The less than stellar beginning probably helped with that a bit! Hehe… the largest obstacle was the rain! We had rain EVERY SINGLE DAY!! Now, I’m not a hater of rain, but I must admit that it was tiresome while driving…mostly because it inhibits the ability to safely speed!! :D and can you believe that we had rain in both LA and phoenix??!!!?? I mean…how is that possible really? They both only have a handful of rainy days all year long!

"Our view for most of the trip!"

So, my friend mellisa was gracious enough to fly in from austin, tx to make the drive with me! We made it to yreka, ca after our disasterous beginning (see previous note if you are wondering!)…can I just say that if you want dinner anywhere other than denny’s in a small back hills town, make sure you stop BEFORE 9pm!!! It was like that little town rolled up the carpets and locked the shutters at 8:59pm!! we made our way into LA for the second night. Can I just observe here that you really shouldn’t have to take 5 different expressways in ONE city to get to one destination!! That would drive me crazy all the time!!!

"Mellisa, Pepper, and Me!"

Stayed with a good, and much missed friend, theresa, who I used to work with in portland before she moved back to cali. It was great to catch up with her! We went to dinner and enjoyed some much needed margaritas after the sometimes treacherous driving through the rainy mountain passes! We left a wet LA the next morning headed to phoenix (theresa texted me about 2 hours after we left that the sun had come out and it was gorgeous then! …huh…).

"Theresa and myself in LA"

we did end up getting some off and on beautiful weather on day 3, and it helped me remember that i LOVE arizona!!! It makes sense really…the landscape reminds me of the baja, mexico area, which most of you already know that i LOVE LOVE LOVE!! Don’t get me wrong, I love lush and green…but there is something that really appeals to me in the desert colors, scrub, and rocky mountains!! It helps that the speed limit was mostly 75!!! …which of course means to me that I can go 84. To mellisa, it means 95!!!!! Hahahaha…yeah, I’m not kidding…

"Pics of AZ and pepper enjoying the view!"

in phoenix, we stayed with another former co-worker and her husband, jeanne and brian. They are kind of like surrogate parents to me and grandparents to my dog! They are doing the retirement thing and becoming snowbirds!! They live in a retirement resort community down there…and let me just tell ya…they have got the HOOK UP!! They met us proudly in their golf cart that they then tooled around in, with mellisa and I following on bikes, showing off their community! It was pretty sweet! After dinner, we went over for a late drink/catch up session by the firepit with some dear friends of mine from alaska who also live in the phoenix area now, mark and jennifer. It was a short visit, but wonderful getting to catch up with them after such a long time!

"Brian, Jeanne, and Pepper enjoying the cart ride!"

"Jennifer, myself, and Mark"

Day 4 started bright and early…well, early at least as it was dark and raining as we left phoenix behind! Nothing exciting through new mexico (although, we did cross the continential divide and, thanks to trisha via text, know what it is again. I say again, because I’m sure we learned that back in school…but who really retains that kind of useless info?!!) i do find it interesting that, you would think that the landscape would flow seamlessly from one desert area to another…but it doesn’t! there is a perceptible difference in the deserts of AZ and NM. I def prefer AZ!

Anyway, on to texass…and yes, the extra “s” is on purpose as the part of TX that we went through must be the butt crack of all of TX!!!! You may think that I’m exaggerating…but even texas agrees!! From el paso almost to dallas, the speed limit is 80!!! Yes, that’s right…8-0! So again, to me…that means 89!!! (believing that cops won’t stop you for anything under 10mph over the limit…its worked so far!) for mellisa, that means 100…and again, I’m not kidding; she leads a charmed driving life!! The better to get through the worst part of the earth!! Nothing but flat, ugly, dead oil fields and dust storms!!!

"i swear i'm going under 100!!"

We attempted to get to dallas, but after 13 hours we gave it up and stopped in abiliene. A warm swim, a good meal, and comfy beds were just too appealing after all the nothingness of our drive! Funny story…there was a golden corral restaurant just down from our hotel. So we decided we would get take out from there. We got there at 845pm…their sign said they closed at 9pm. But the doors were locked!! So, mellisa slipped in the exit as someone came out and she confronted them about that fact. I was still outside, but mellisa musta been scary because the workers called the manager up and he promptly came out and let me in. he was declaring that his watch said it was after 9pm…we pointed out that he was mistaken. Well, they had already shut their cash registers down…so he actually just let us get food off their bar for free! I think he was worried that we would report him for closing early!! Hehe…ok, maybe not so funny! But after the horrible day of driving we had had…oh well, can’t go wrong with free food!

Day 5 dawned, and we made our way into dallas where I dropped mellisa off at the airport long term parking and I headed on to Mississippi uneventfully on my own! I got a short break, and then my dad and I headed up to Michigan to visit with my sister and pick up mom! …great, more driving!!! all total it will be 12 states in 6 days...thats WAY too much!!

Thanks for coming along with me!! more updates soon!

~~the most unbelievable day...so far!~~

Actual date of occurance: Thur Feb 5th, 2009

so...as some of you know, i was planning on leaving portland to head to mississippi today. WELL, you know the cliche of "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong"...yeah, i'm living that one today!!! i've been up and trying to leave portland since 6am....its currently 3pm.

and i'm still in portland....hmmmm.

so, we were running behind anyway...thats fairly typical for me and most of my friends (not ALL, to those who are reading this say "NOT ME!!!" hehe) but i figured being officially on the road by 10am. the first inkling that something was wrong was that my camera wouldn't work...i turned it on and the lens was opening/closing repeatedly. i shut it off and on a couple of times and got it to work finally, once. then it started doing it again!! mind you, it worked fine last night! grrrr...annoying, but not life altering!

THEN, the adapter that i got to play my ipod in my car wouldn't work...and not only wouldn't it work, it killed my ipod. black...nothing, no charge!! my friend mellisa pulls out my computer to plug it in and charge it, but it won't even open!!! AND...then my computer starts freezing up and refusing to open any programs! hmmm...about this time, i hear a commerical on the radio for a car store that advertises an ipod/car stereo adapter for $10. its close, and we need tunes for the road....so we zip over there!! when we get out of the car, i hit my key fob to lock it.....NOTHING HAPPENS!!!! are you freakin' kidding me!!!!!!

so, i go open the door to hit the lock button....but it doesn't work. i then put my key in and try to start it....NOTHING, NADA....dead dead dead!!! beyond dead....the hazard lights won't even work. there isn't even a click! i mean seriously, the door won't even lock!!

we go into the store and tell them whats going on....the guys there were phenomenally helpful!! in fact...a plug for them, if you need any car stuff and you are in the portland area, car toys is the place to go!!! anywho...they play with it for an hour and a half and FINALLY get it started by pulling someone's car over to charge it (their mobile charger wouldn't even work!!). it takes a full 5 minutes of this guy reving his engine and then mine finally, slowly turns over!!!! during this whole time, i'm trying to make my ipod/computer work and its still acting weird too!!! OH MY GOSH!!! anyway, one guys figures out how to reset my ipod thankfully, and they immediately send me over to a car repair shop to get it checked out. they run diagnostics on it and it turns out that i need a new battery....and thats seems to be it!!! crazy drama just for that...i mean, couldn't it have just died when i wasn't heading out of town!!! like, last week...when i was getting work done on it already!!!

so here i sit...waiting on my new battery for my trip that should have started over 5 hours ago!!! at this point, i'm thinking drinks are more in order with travel tomorrow....but we will see!!! hehe...i'll keep ya'll updated!!!! pray for us! ;) we clearly need it!!

~Cancer is an evil, evil word~

once the word cancer enters your world, life as you know it will never be the same...at least that holds true for me.

change has been coming for awhile...i've felt it, but i've tried to ignore it the best i could. honestly, i just thought it was me being discontent with my life. but now that i look back, perhaps the discontent was actually some kind of intuition that things were going to be out of my control soon enough.

my oldest sister, susie (known to some of you as angel) just got diagnosed with cancer. non-hodgkins, stage 3, diffuse large b-cell lymphoma. she has been feeling ill for a few months and we suspected cancer, but were all praying that it would just be some kind of infection. but, God has His own reasoning, so it wasn't to be. since that has been confirmed, it has been a whirlwind of activity! i now know more about cancer than i ever wanted to...and i wish with all my heart that she was someplace that had better cancer services than where she is! she starts her first chemo session tomorrow...and her first act of defiance against the cancer is that she let one of her grandchildren shave her head yesterday!!! hehe...i think its kind of her version of a middle finger to cancer! ;)

the ripple effect of this is that i am moving back to mississippi...my folks are in their 70's and are getting to that point where they need some help. susie was planning on moving down there this month actually, but with her own illness...its clearly not possible. so, i am going to do it instead. i never, in a million years, would have thought that i would ever live down there again...but i know its what i am supposed to do for now.

i am scared for her...more scared than i've ever been about anything else in my life! she represents sanity and security to me in my family...as well as unconditional love! for those who don't know, susie and i were born 20 years apart...to the month! so, she really has probably been more of a mother figure to me than just a sibling. she is also the greatest person i know! and quite selfishly, i'm just not ready to live my life without her in it!

i ask that my praying friends please add our family, susie's comfort and healing specifically, to your permanent prayer list...and for my non praying friends, i ask that you send many positive thoughts our way...we need them!!

Feb '08 - "Adventures in Snowboarding...a funny tale!"

ok...so, some friends and coworkers came up with the FABULOUS idea of going up to Mt Hood to learn to snowboard as a group. on the side of the mountain known as Meadows, they offer a 3 lesson deal that includes everything (humiliation is free of course, as i found out later!) . so, we made the plans, took the day off, and all headed up for a day in the sun and snow. and...luckily enough it was an amazingly gorgeous day to be on the mountain!

we all came with varying degrees of comfort on the snow with stupid little board(s) attached to our feet..but none of us had ever snowboarded. now, why...you might ask...would a group of 30 somethings to 50 somethings think that learning this now would be a good idea? um...well, i don't really have an answer for that! teehee... but, i actually loved it!!! ...sucked at it, but loved it!!

we went snowboarding for the 3rd time yesterday, the last of our package deal....and it was FANTASTIC!!! before...it was just fun. but i finally got it! AND got over my trauma too! see...when i was in college, i went skiing for the first time. and i went with a friend who was a great skier...so after letting me plow my way down a bunny hill a couple of times, she pronounced me ready to go on the mountain and promptly took me up a hill that i had ZERO reason to be on! it was too far advanced and it literally took me about 2 hours to get down it. and most of that i spent sliding down on my bum while much better, tho pissed off, skiers flew past me while i was in their way. so, remembering that fear....this time i've been reluctant to go on the mountain. ...ok, yes...actually i've just been refusing! everytime it was mentioned, there were cold sweats, butterflies in the stomach, a faint nauseous feeling! but...the bunny hill was getting boring (and strenuous...because its not very big, which means more unclipping and walking up the hill, and reclipping, and doing my 5 second run, to then unclip and do it all over again!! YIKES! )

so...i decide that i'm going to take the afternoon class and hope that i get an instructor that will take me up the mountain and lovingly coach me down it! :D hehe.... trisha in the meantime is zipping up and down the mountain like a pro. well, okay...not a pro, but certainly making me look like a big weenie on the 5 second wonder hill! teehee... so...i tromp my self up to the class area (because you really can only "tromp" in snowboarding boots...well, and swish...but the swishing is because of all the water proof gear that i am bundled into that adds like 50lbs to your girth! ugh!!!) anywho...i tromp-swish my way to the beginners section and tell the instructor i see (Old Guy) that i've had two lessons already, but i haven't been up the hill (meaning the "buttercup" run which is the not a bunny hill, but not a real "mountain" either!) Old Guy stares at me speechless for a moment and then repeats "you haven't been up the hill??" "yes," i state thinking, of course i'm an chickenshitidiot, don't rub it in! Old Guy hollers over (so that EVERYone can hear) "we have a beyond-beginner over here" which gets the attention of another instructor. this one is a tall, very cute young guy who i quickly realize is from australia when he starts talking. GREAT...a Cute Young Aussie that i can be humiliated in front of!! remember...i paid for this humiliation! anyway, Cute Young Aussie says with elitest scorn..."so you haven't been up the hill" i think, yes...could we PLEASE keep repeating that in unbelief so that i feel like more of a dork, thank you! i quickly decide to start justifying and tell him i have trauma from my skiing experience and tell him the story. ...he's unimpressed.... so, two other gals join us and wouldn't you know it, they have only had one lesson each and they have BOTH been up/down the "hill" once. huh.

so Cute Young Aussie tells us to grab our gear and we head off towards the bunny hill, which happens to also be located near the lift to the Buttercup run. (aka...the hill) but he passes the bunny hill and heads straight for the lift!! UGH.... at this point, any and all of the former knowledge that i had acquired decided to promptly leave my brain and i started falling all over the place!! no seriously...i couldn't even stand upright for some reason?!?!?! Cute Young Aussie and the other two were waiting for me at the lift and i'm sure he was wondering if i'd actually ever even seen a snowboard before this moment! sheesh.... so i finally get over there and he rapidly tells us instructions for how to get on/off the lift which i only heard bits and pieces of because i was winded (and trying to not look it) as i tried not to panic about going up the hill, in order to go down the hill, all the while trying to remain upright! and he's speaking fast with an accent, so i feel vindicated...kinda. anyway...i then catch pieces of something that sounds like, "if you don't [empty space] then you will fall off the lift because [empty space] and it will yank you down." er...what?? but by the time it computed that i had missed some vital statements, Cute Young Aussie was on the lift and off. GRRRRRRRRR so much for the sensitive coach!

i made it on the lift okay; the exiting was quite a bit less spectacular....or well, more spectacular depending on which side you are on!! teehee... there really is just no easy way to exit a moving seat onto a slippery icy snowy embankment while having one foot strapped onto a very cumbersome board that weighs approx. 4lbs or so (not to mention the extra weight of the boots too!) and look at all graceful! lol oh well...at least i can say i'm not the only one....it seems more people fall off the ski lift than actual exit it! it takes me forever, again, to get over to our little group since i fall numerous times and seriously...did they REALLY have to move THAT far away from the lift?? so, i'm all in a tizzy to be angry at the elitist Cute Young Aussie as he is watching me in condesention when the most amazing thing happens....he becomes a teacher and TOTALLY started walking me step by step through what i needed to do! he mostly ignored the other girls (which, i felt only mild guilt over since they clearly were doing so much better than me anyway!) and spent most of the time holding onto me and helping me get the feel for how to control the board by shifting my weight and toe/heel angles. fairly quickly i got the hang of it and Cute Young Aussie continued to give me great and very helpful tips and i made it down the hill in about 20 minutes and with only a few spills! 2 more times up and down......the 3rd of which i managed to stay upright as i came off the lift for about 5 seconds!! meaning....at least i got out of the way of the next people off the lift! hehe.... he did lots of praising, which i basked in...because now he was no longer elitist condesending Cute Young Aussie, but patient sweet Cute Young Aussie!!!! ahhh...how the perspective can change!!

anywho...after three trips i was done for as my legs were trembling with the effort of it all! more praising from Patient Sweet Cute Young Aussie, and i went on my merry way.....

....to wake up this morning in such excruciating pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH-MY-HEAVENS! HELLOOO....clearly, i am not 25 anymore!! my 34 year old body doth protest LOUDLY with all the tensing, falling, crunching, tweeking i mananged to do yesterday! not only am i sore all over my body...even in parts i didn't know i still had muscles...but i did actually tweek my knee during my under-pressure-forgetting-how-to-be-upright-falling mode! well...really more of a splitting mode as my leg that was attached to the board went one way, and my free leg went the opposite direction! oh well...whats a little case of a torn MCL when it comes to snowboarding adventures?!!? ...thats what insurance and PT is for, right??? teehee

i am actually kinda sad now that i spent 9 years up in alaska and never learned how to do this! after yesterday....even with all the drama. once i finally "got it", its like it almost jumped into my blood! last night as i was going to sleep, i was literally snowboarding in my head thinking about angles and how to control the board in this direction or that direction...etc etc. i could probably have enjoyed living in alaska in the winter if i had this to do!! teehee.... who knew!

Dec '07 - "The Great Christmas Snow of December 2007"

yes...it is true! we portlanders had a white christmas!!! well....okay, not REALLY a white christmas, but it darn sure tried!! and i almost blissfully slept through the entire thing!! (tragic, i know) this is how it happened:

i'm on a stretch of night shifts for the holidays (better pay!! woot woot) and i got off work at 730am christmas morning! however, sadly for me...i was supposed to go back to work at 3pm christmas afternoon. but...due to the fact that not many people are crazy at christmas (hehe, right!) i got cut from that shift! too many staff, not enough kids...yea! crystal gets to sleep in!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, the charge nurse called and woke me up at about 100pm to tell me that i did NOT have to come to work at 3pm. and as i, in my bleary eyed, foggy brained state of toasty warmness in my bed mumbled "thanks", she went on to very cheerily tell me that it was snowing and did i know that, and wasn't it very exciting!?!?!?!

...um, yeah, sure....i just got off work at 730am and was supposed to return to work a mere 7 hours later in order to work a 16 hour shift...but absolutely, i was WIDE awake just waiting to count the flakes of snow falling on christmas in portland!! i swear they forget that i recently came from living in alaska!! you know, where EVERY christmas has snow! so...not a big deal! anywho...since she had woken me and made me have an actual conversation, i decided to get up and see what the fuss was about. see below pics!









*insert sarcastic tone* oh boy am i glad that i dragged myself out of my toasty warmness to witness THAT miracle of christmas!! portland snow!!! LOLOLOLOLOL

Nov '07 - "Sometimes....its the little things!"

so...a few weeks ago, my sis introduced me to popcorn and mild duds at the movies! now, i've always preferred the spicier side of life...therefore, popcorn and jalapenos is more my style! and lets be real...mild duds just get stuck in your teeth! but...as i skeptically looked into the popcorn bag as she poured the milk duds into it, i gave it a go....and it was YUUUUMMMYYY!!! teehee... a pleasant suprise! if you've never tried it...its like fresh caramel corn and it kinda just melts all together in your mouth!

anywho, flash forward to today. i went to the movies today and while the movie was ok ("we own the night"...nothing spectacular), i did enjoy the popcorn and duds!! i guess it was my treat for the halloween season!!

so...yes, this is a nonsense blog really! but its nice to find pleasure in the simple things and too often we are too busy or too wrapped up in ourselves to notice them. so i wanted to share this one with my friends!!

**UPDATE** a year later, and i'm still enjoy BOTH options!!

Oct '07 - "Do as i say, not as i do...?"

do you ever feel like a fraud?

recently, i was working with this kid and, disturbingly...he and i are going through some similar things. the specifics are different, but the gist of the issues are close enough that as i sat there listening to him, i was thinking in my head..."oh my gosh...YES!" but of course...i couldn't say that to him with the whole, he's there for HIS therapy, not mine!! hehe but something else i was thinking, as i listened intently to him, was that all the usual things that i would tell a client in this situation were sounding woefully hollow in my own head. how could i give him all these ideas for how to solve his problem/deal with his issues...if i don't even really believe them or do them myself??

so far i am enjoying the new show "private practice", and i find that sometimes i really identify with the character, violet. she is this really successful psychiatrist in the practice, but her personal life is a disaster!! its the "do as i say, not as i do" principle.

now, i don't really think that my life is a disaster...but recently, i do have a sense sometimes of being on the edge of a mess! and it does strike me as ironic that i am in a profession where i help others find their way through there own "messes" - and yet, i can't (or won't) seem to put my own insights into practice right now!! blahhhh...its completely frustrating...
when we know that doing something (or not doing something...whatever the case may be) would be better for us, what is it that holds us back?

what is it that keeps us from doing as we say?

**UPDATE** while i like the thoughts that i was having in this post, and still think they are relavant.... i just wanted to say that i've moved past this place and figured out what i needed to do! personal crisis is mostly over and i'm in the recovery phase of things now!! woot woot!