~Cancer is an evil, evil word~

once the word cancer enters your world, life as you know it will never be the same...at least that holds true for me.

change has been coming for awhile...i've felt it, but i've tried to ignore it the best i could. honestly, i just thought it was me being discontent with my life. but now that i look back, perhaps the discontent was actually some kind of intuition that things were going to be out of my control soon enough.

my oldest sister, susie (known to some of you as angel) just got diagnosed with cancer. non-hodgkins, stage 3, diffuse large b-cell lymphoma. she has been feeling ill for a few months and we suspected cancer, but were all praying that it would just be some kind of infection. but, God has His own reasoning, so it wasn't to be. since that has been confirmed, it has been a whirlwind of activity! i now know more about cancer than i ever wanted to...and i wish with all my heart that she was someplace that had better cancer services than where she is! she starts her first chemo session tomorrow...and her first act of defiance against the cancer is that she let one of her grandchildren shave her head yesterday!!! hehe...i think its kind of her version of a middle finger to cancer! ;)

the ripple effect of this is that i am moving back to mississippi...my folks are in their 70's and are getting to that point where they need some help. susie was planning on moving down there this month actually, but with her own illness...its clearly not possible. so, i am going to do it instead. i never, in a million years, would have thought that i would ever live down there again...but i know its what i am supposed to do for now.

i am scared for her...more scared than i've ever been about anything else in my life! she represents sanity and security to me in my family...as well as unconditional love! for those who don't know, susie and i were born 20 years apart...to the month! so, she really has probably been more of a mother figure to me than just a sibling. she is also the greatest person i know! and quite selfishly, i'm just not ready to live my life without her in it!

i ask that my praying friends please add our family, susie's comfort and healing specifically, to your permanent prayer list...and for my non praying friends, i ask that you send many positive thoughts our way...we need them!!